Compulsive Obsessive Weight Loss Disorder
I recall that I weighed only 73 kg during IVP period. Back then I did not even try but the weight just started to shed by itself. I was feeling great and people said that I looked better then. However, over the last few months, somehow the fats started to have a conference and decided that they wanted to move back in. So from the slim 73 kg, I started to grow... to the horrific size of 78kg. I feel fat, I feel Lethargic, I feel ugly. Then again, I have always been ugly... LOL....

Ok, so there have been lotsa commercials and hype about various no pain, no diet, no surgery methods to lose weight and shed fats. One of them being slimming programs by "branded" health spas. The others being fat burning pills & even cosmetic surgery. If i had the money, I won't mind considering the 1st or the 3rd option. However, being the poor student that I m, I chose to try out the diet pills. hahaha... must be thinking that I m crazy... Well... maybe I m alittle obsessed. I went to look at the various products available on the market and read them alittle. However, I dun really know wat was good and effective. Anyway, I asked my roommate to buy the pills for me, since he is so skinny, no one will suspect they were for him. Lol.... evil right?

So I have been on the programme for almost 1 week, and I dunno if there is any effect at all apart from the more frequent visits to the toilet... hahaha... I guess I have to finish all 60 pills to determine whether or not it works. I hope that it is as miraculous as it is made to be, but I have my own doubts. Of course, I m still exercising and training. Maybe I shd move to USA and write in to join Extreme makeover. Maybe I might look like a superstar. ahahaha...

Long time no see 好久不见
This is the seconds wedding dinner I have attended in the past 1 week. Seems like everyone around me is getting married. Needless to say, I m happy for them all and I m surprised that I actually enjoyed myself. Maybe it's because these weddings are that of friends rather than relatives. Guess most of those single people out there understands the agony of attending weddings of relatives. Aunties and Uncles will start to ask so when is your turn? Got steady or not? That kind of things... sigh...

Anyway, tonite was the joyous occasion of one of my army friend. He sent me the invitation weeks ago and I noted it down in my handphone, but somehow I actually forgot that today was the day. It was my mum that reminded me of it. Lol... Guess too many things going on in my mind right now that I keep forgetting stuff. As usual for a saturday evening, the traffic into town was horrid. I spent almost 40 mins getting to the place and trying to find a parking lot. Moving on, it has been years since I met these Army friends of mine. We gone through alot of crap during our time as medics in the medical centre. The senior medic Amy Lau was the most unreasonable and crappy hag out there. But thanx to her, the bunch of us were so united as we found a common enemy and helped each other out to make life a living hell for her. Hahaha... those were the days.

I was glad to see many of those guys who were like brothers to me. We talked and joked and updated each other on how we are. Glad to see that most of them were doing fine. Rather surprising was that Edwin(the guy getting married) actually got us to help out for the wedding. We helped with the table arrangement and one of the guys was the MC for the night. Even Dr Khoo was invited to the wedding. I think he was one of the nicest medical officers during my stay at the medical centre. He helped us out when we got into trouble with the senior medic.

Earlier in the day, Edwin messaged us saying that we will be activated on stage to help in the wine toasting. I was like thinking "oh no"... It's one of those things which I did not like and do not do during wedding dinners. But when the time came, the bunch of us medics and medical doctor, went gamely onto the stage and yelled our lungs out all in the name of friendship. Hahaha... well... it turned out pretty ok...

So the dinner went pretty enjoyable with lotsa chatting and exchange of contacts. I was pleased to see Yung, one of my understudies at the medical centre at that time. I did not expect to see him as we lost contact after I completed my NS. Too bad he was sitting at the next table and we did not have chance to speak till 3/4 into the night. I must say that he looks alot better than he did years ago, not to say that he look bad then.

We mingled and stayed till the end of the dinner, and helped out alittle after all the guest left. Then there was a photo taking session for the bunch of us. It was a great time I must say. After that, a few of us went to a club call Timbre near the old NLB for a drink and to chill out. There was a live performance and the lady belting out songs was pretty impressive. The ambience was not super fantastic due to the table that we were sitting, but I think it is not too bad a place to hang out with friends. One thing though, the music is all english, so those that only listen to mandarin songs might be alittle disappointed. The night ended after a long chat session and drinks. I m tired but the events of the night seems to spur me on.

Just as the song 好久不见 by 5566 goes, it's a long time since we met. The memories that have long been left at the back of our minds, suddenly woke and ignite a fire within us once again. (^^,)

The good & the bad
School has started for more than 7 weeks and it is time for the term break. I look forward to this term break as a time for me to do some catching up in my studies. It is also a time when I can just pick up my things and say "Why not go blading at the spur of the moment". This year's term break is also the time for our annual Taekwondo initiation, "Ultimate Challenge".

This year's UC was planned to commence on the 9th of September with an overnight camp and the run to be done in the late afternoon of the 10th. Usually, the seniors will be asked or invited to this yearly event as station masters or as senior support. Most other seniors received their invitations 2 weeks back but I did not. Instead, I was approached to cover first aid just last Friday. I m not keen on doing safety every year because of
(1) The responsibilities involved in being a first aider.
(2) I m more interested to be a station master or be attached for the run itself.
(3) I had a horrible experience with the previous year's organising committee for their lack of commitment and responsibility.

Anyway, the club's president asked me if i can help them to cover safety, and i told him my concerns regarding the issue. I told him of the problems I experienced last year and also my interest in running more than sitting in a van. In addition, I told him that there were many people in the club that have first aid certs or are qualified to carry out first aid. He told me that he cant find anyone else and that he assured me that all the items i need will be prepared beforehand and that history will not repeat itself. So on Tuesday I told him that I want them to prepare the first aid kit items and let me check through and tell them what I needed. He agreed and so I agreed.

So came Friday, I went down for training earlier than normal and went to check the first aid items. I noticed that theold expired items in the kit was removed and replaced by new ones. But I also noticed that the basic bandages and sterile gauze are not present. Hence, I told Cailing about it and she said that Adeline has already prepared the items. I told her that the basic stuff that is to be in a first aid kit is missing and that it must be prepared. Yet she insist that the things are to be left that way. I felt that there was no point in talking on about it and went to carry out my own training. Later on, Adeline came and tell me that Cailing told her about the issues I brought up and that she will go purchase the items at the Mart immediately. So I thought things were fine. Then she called and say that she can't get the items from the school's mart and that she would go get them outside at once. The next thing I knew was that she said that she will do it tommorrow.

10th september

I got to school and went to look for the others. Expecting things to be already prepared and ready, I just went to catch up with some of my friends. It was at around 3.30 that I chanced upon the first aid kit and to my horror the things I asked for were not prepared. I asked Adeline if she has gotten the items i requested for, and her reply was a quick "No time to buy".
So I asked the president(Junming) about it, and he said that Adeline was incharge and he thought things were prepared. Cailing passed by and said that they did not have time to buy and that it was 1 hour to starting the run. She ask me to make do with the current items available. The issues to me is that
(1) Proper first aid cannot be provided if the situation occurred.
(2) Why tell me that everything will be prepared but not done.
(3) I was told that u have no time, but I see u watching movie in the badminton hall.

If safety was so important to u guys in the 1st place, why is it that things are done sub standard? If it is not important to u, then why bother to even ask about safety? For such events, you all have already avoided the problem by not even getting professionals to do the job(with ambulance and medical team). And now basic necessities are not fulfilled, so what's the purpose? To just put on a show that u have covered ur own ass? Do they even know the dangers and liabilities on have to risk to cover first aid for such events?

Integrity - LOL... what integrity? She told me that I have to make do with things, which I think is not the proper thing to do. Then she said to me, "If u find it such an issue, then I will pull u out of the safety coverage." Is that a threat? Oh please, grow up... I already don't want to do it with such attitude from u guys. Instead of rectifying the issues, u make it sound to everyone that I m in the wrong and that I m the bad person. I told her straight that I m not interested to do safety and that if they cannot fulfil something, then don't promise it. What the fuck is all these rubbish u don't want, I don't want blah blah blah....

I feel that often, I m not appreciated and that I m taken for granted or just as a pawn. No one has ever thought that I was good or was any use at all. No one in the club thought that I was a good fighter, or good at pattern. No one felt I was good in anything... No one.... I come into the picture everytime when they left out something... and when I put my neck on the line, thats all people care. Cos it is not their lives they are risking, nor is it important to them... I m tired of all these... I drove my car home and I slept for hours and hours. I had this urge to kick someone or something or just drive down to the beach and blade my troubles away. Maybe I m too emotional and take things too heavily, but some things are important to me. People just don't understand it and I won't bother to explain further. Right now, I sit in front of my laptop typing away... I feel like crying and I want a shoulder to cry upon. Not just for the problems regarding UC, but also my personal life and my work. I know that there is no shoulder there and I hold back my feelings so often that sometimes I think I m becoming a machine, unable to express my feelings. Guess it all doesn't matter... No one will understand, all my hatred and anger, my sorrow and my fears. I m just misunderstood. sigh...