Recap of my life in NTU TKDI have been in NTU TKD for quite some time and I must say that I enjoy the sport and I enjoy some of the friends I have made over these 3 years.
In my 1st year, I was a novice who had no experience sparring and it was actually a big leap that I fought for the school during IVP. I trained hard, but my lack of experience was a hindrance and I think that I did pretty badly even though I got a silver medal (out of sheer luck). I cried on the day of the competition after fighting my final opponent. Everyone came up to me saying that I put up a great fight and that I should not be sad. Truth be told, it was not tears of sadness. Rather, it was tears of relieve, of accomplishment, of joy. I never expected to even go pass my first opponent, furthermore get a silver medal. My final opponent was so much stronger than I was and I was in so much pain that the notion of giving up halfway was so great. But my coach spurred me on and I fought the whole 3 rounds, which just pushed me over the edge. It was during this year, that I made many friends, some that I cherish alot, others I THOUGHT I cherished. But I guess it was a test for me to determine who were my real friends. I think it was my happiest time in the club, where everything look so innocent to me. Anyway, there was this event which made me very touched and that I would remember forever a long time to come. On my 21st birthday, there was actually an IVP training camp and that I expected myself to be training hard for the upcoming tournament. However, on the eve of my birthday, my good friends from JC actually came all the way from their homes all over Singapore to NTU campus with a birthday cake and celebrated that special day with me. I was completely overwhelmed and never really expected that they would do that. It was so out of the way for all of them and yet they remembered and made the effort. This goes to show the true meaning of friends.
Anyway, I got 1 year older and got more senior in the club. There were some things that happened during the 2nd year committee selection that kinda changed certain opinion of friends. Skipping that event, I focused alot more on training my skills and I think I improved alot during my 2nd year. I trained 4 days a week with various people and I actually believed that I would do alot better than the previous year during IVP. I guess I got my head stuck too high up in the clouds with comments from seniors saying that I should be able to make it pretty far in the competition. I got my friends to come down to support me during the tournament, but I failed to put up a good show and was knocked out by my 2nd opponent. It was so embarassing and a painful experience. I did so badly that my morale was at a complete low for weeks after that. By now, most of the friends I made in my 1st year have left the club. The number of friends around me started to dwindle and it did not help me at all. It took me quite some time to straighten out my thoughts.
Yet another year passed, and I told myself that I shall take things easy with life and not let things affect me. I came down, I trained, I went home. My interaction with people started to diminish and I felt lonely to a certain extent. It was during this year that I told a fellow friend of my attraction. However, things turned downhill ever since and our friendship seem to have failed the test of time and truth. At this junction, It was time to go for black belt grading and i felt that I have put in more effort than most people and have the standard. Feeling confident, I took the test and to my surprise, I failed miserably. That event completely shattered my passion and love for the sport. I kept everything to myself since then and hated things and people around me. Things did not improve. During this year's IVP, I was once again rejected from the Black belt pattern team. I felt that I put in consistent effort and have trained more than many of the others that made it into the squad. I did not think I was so imcompetent to that extent but, I was proved wrong. I was really at the rock bottom of my life. I did not feel like training, I did not feel like talking to anyone. I hated the world. The last time I shed my tears due to sadness was in Junior College year 1 and it was something I was not proud of. It was during this period that I once again shed my tears. I thought that I will never be so saddened for such a thing to occur, but it did. 2 months passed before I managed to pull myself out of the slumps. Even then, I was not the same person I used to be. I barely trained and did not want to fight for IVP that year. I just trained and kept to myself.
Eventually, it was time to make the decision whether to fight or not to fight. And I had mixed feelings, knowing that my emotions are still a wreck and my lack of training would put myself in danger versus the rush of adrenaline. It was a deal that if i fight will, a fellow friend of mine also fight that made me put my name down on the list. I wanted that friend of mine to actually take part in the tournament. So we trained, but even on the day of competition itself, I still had doubts of myself. Yunping, being my coach encouraged me and warmed up with me before my 1st match. I told myself that I shall treat the whole event as a game and just have fun in the arena. And surprisingly, I did alot better than everyone and I expected, got into the finals and eventually got a silver medal. I was happy that I made it so far and was thankful that my coach had faith in me despite me expressing feelings of giving up during my match against my 1st opponent. After all these hoo haa, I come to look at things and wonder if it was such a big deal. No one actually remembers me or thinks highly of me. Not even myself.
