Something I yearned for, but when it came.....
The past month had been a torturous one, with all the exams and projects due dates coming up. I was so stressed and burnt out during this period and I so look forward for the end of exams and a chance for me to catch a breath. In my 24 years of life, I must say that this semester was the most painful one. I have never in my life felt so dead. Anyway, I yearned for the coming of the holidays, but somehow when it came, it wasn't what I expected.

Everyone is progressing along with their FYP, and I was supposed to be doing the same. But the logistics issues that kept me from doing my project during the semester continued to plague me. There are so many ppl involved in this project that I have to depend on the outcome of another person in order to kick start. However, the other ppl are not doing their work properly and I feel kinda like an idiot hanging in mid air.

Well... the exams ended on the 24th of November and I was feeling happy partially becos all the crappy mugging is over, but also becos in 6 days, I would turn 24 years of age. So I chose to take things slightly lighter that week, doing some work, relaxing and just hang out. On my birthday however, I wanted to do something special or hang out with ppl I considered special. Well... things didn't go quite the way I expected. I received a total of 8 smses from ppl that wish me a happy birthday. And no one asked me out, so I slept at home till 7 pm. Woke up for 1 hr but felt it was pretty ptless and miserable, so I crawled back into bed and slept till my birthday was over. Best of all, no one in my family actually remembered it was my birthday.

I guess I m not angry or disappointed at anyone. I m not a very sociable person and can keep ppl at arm's length. Someone once told me that I m not a social butterfly and that don't expect others to respond or be nice to u. I know it is true and somehow though I felt that my birthday was spent with the least meaning, I felt at peace with myself. Looking myself in the mirror, I think I m going to grow old abandon and alone like those that frequent the news headlines. I don't need pity. I m tougher than that and these things can't get me down.

Deep inside, I have come to accept certain things in life. I know what I want, but yet I know the things I want is hard to achieve. I will try my best, but if all else fails, at least I know that I tried.